single life & normalcy

i’m single. and 37. and this is much longer than i’ve planned to be single. i thought i would be married with kids who were in middle school about now. but that’s not how life turned out. so now i find myself wondering can single be normal? what i mean by this is that if i were a man, no one would think twice about my singleness. there wouldn’t be questioning or pitying looks. people would be less likely to ask ‘but don’t you want to be a mom?’ or worse yet, ‘what happened? how come you’re not married?’ or ‘you mean you’ve never been married?’. i’ve considered printing up cards with standard replies:

  • yes, i’d like to be married.
  • yes, i want to be a mom.
  • no, i’ve never been married.
  • nothing happened–i just haven’t met someone that i can see spending the rest of my life with.

maybe that’s the problem. maybe i’m a commitment-phobe. although, i don’t think i am. i don’t move a lot. i have several friends whose friendships have lasted for years. i think the correct diagnosis is that i’m phobic of a disposable society. everything is disposable–containers, income, and sadly relationships. i know it’s an almost archaic idea, but i believe in love for a lifetime…you work thru the hard places & stick it out. divorce just isn’t an option for me. i’m probably pretty cautious in my choices, but shouldn’t that be celebrated not chastised?

we celebrate marriages…and many will end in divorce. why not celebrate singleness?

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1 Response to “single life & normalcy”


  1. 1 Da Youth Guy 6 June, 2005 at 7:19 pm

    It sounds like you’re smart enough and value your own person enough not to “settle”. and there ain’t nothing wrong with that. We should value people in all aspects, single, married, divorced, whatever. Every aspect comes with problems. That’s the part I love, the assumption that married solves all your “problems”. Ha! And I’ve been happily married for almost 25 years. There are still plenty of questions after you marry. But then we’re not supposed to talk about them.


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